These are the good times in your life so put on a smile and it'll be alright.

I'm back from Paris and omgosh i had so much fun, thank god my friends were there, it was such good timing and im SO happy i got to see them again. it gave me a fresh new perspective on life and love and just pushing through.

I'll never be able to get everything i want but i certainly already have everything i need. which is amazing, not even half of the population has what i have so i should already be thankful for that. i need to stop trying to be one step ahead and instead look around after each one, make sure i dont want to change directions or stop for a while to come up with a better game plan.

im starting to smile and laugh and be happy again, and its a great feeling. im starting to be myself and be fun again. i missed this part of me. this excited and positive person. although i cant deny that i still feel for my ex, a lot. i love him, i will for a long time, but i think im learning to accept it more and more each day that sometimes life puts you into positions where you need to choose between two things you love, two comfort zone, or countries or religions or families. it's tough, and scary because the outcome is completely unpredictable. i mean c'mon who ACTUALLY wants to throw themselves into a situation like that?

im shit scared, i wont lie, i dont think its a secret really. ive always been trying to live one step ahead of everything so that there aren't any suprises, but unfortunately what i didnt want to realize was that life isn't something i can control. my actions play a huge part but my surrounding play the biggest part. i don't control the people around me, the influences or languages, nor can i control religion or war. the planet is my planet, just like its yours. it'd be crazy not to listen to it. i decided i need to be a lot more truthful to myself, control myself better, and not trust so easily, not get carried away so easily into this perfect dream world, i need to stay realistic and responsible. i need to learn to trust my instincts and my intuition and know that if something doesnt feel right, its probably not.

ok, enough of that, this is getting long and my eyes are shutting on themselves.

i'm currently listening to B.O.B No mans land. and im literally obsessed, this guy knows what he's going and especially what he's saying! i love it.

remember, life is only as fun as you make it. something i try to remind myself everyday. it'll happen soon.

good night and until the next post!

my newest phase in life..